Put Down the Phone

I was thinking today about the social impact of our culinary, dietary, and, really, our eating habits in general.  Now, I'm not going to use this forum to preach about healthy eating or offer my critique of various dietary preferences.  Instead, the thought was really more about how we eat and its impact/reflection on our society as a whole.

I think that our practices while we eat is very much a chicken and an egg scenario - I think that our rituals are not only a reflection of our societal customs, but also an influence on those very social interactions.  For instance (and obviously there may very well be external factors at play!), one of the organizations for whom I've worked insists on eating "family style".  At this camp in particular, breakfast is at 8, lunch at 12:30, and dinner at 5.  If you're late, you've chores to do - sweeping, restocking firewood, returning dishes to the kitchen, etc.  Here it's a matter of respect: respect for those who cooked your food, respect for others' time as they wait for you, respect for the customs and traditions of the organization.  Participants are more than welcomed beforehand to help set the tables, laying out uniform place settings with a plate; fork on the left; knife and spoon on the right, knife on the inside, blade facing in; cup above to the left; and napkin under the knife and spoon.  Every setting, every time.

This alone I think is noteworthy, as former Secretary of State Colin Powell asserts in a TED Talk that kids need structure.  And really I think we all do, young and old. I think taking that pride in what we do transfers into other aspects of life.  It is also at this location, by the way, that participants of multi-day programs are expected to help clean up.  Simple things that make a big difference: sweeping, vacuuming, wiping down the coffee and hot chocolate station, doing a walk through for garbage...little things that really add up.  Again, I think this adds to the overall culture of this camp that all people (staff is right there with them!) should be accountable for the place they're in.

An illustrative interjection: In working with one group (around 12 middle school students in my group with around 50 others in different small groups), staff noticed that even by the middle of their second day, the place was becoming a mess.  Garbage cans over-flowing, the woods tracked across the floor...  I had reached a comfortable stopping point for the time being, around 20 minutes before we had to be in for lunch, when this crossed my mind.  I rallied my group: "C'mon ya'll, we'll all pitch in and have this place tidied up in less than 15 minutes."  It took us 10; a simple run through to neaten the place up.  As we stopped to admire our work, the other groups suddenly burst through the doors like the Tasmanian Devil from the Looney Tunes cartoon, leaving trash, spilled liquids, and the better part of the surrounding forest in their wake.  To this day, the reaction of my group is the greatest teachable moment I've had facilitating.  The frustration at the lack of appreciation and the disappointment that it was made messy again, more quickly than it was cleaned, I think left a lasting impression.

But back to food.  I think in group settings, we lose focus of how important it really is for people gathered together for meals.  On goes the TV.  Out come the phones.  I honestly think the best way to recognize this is to sit with another person and struggle to make conversation while they sit on their phone.  Think about it, what do you do when you're sitting intently and your fellow is texting back and forth?  I believe this disconnect is not only a reflection of our increasingly distant society, but also a continuing affirmation that it's okay.  It almost seems that we're becoming more and more connected to other people but increasingly disconnected from those around us.

Please, stop checking Facebook during meals.  Please, stop texting someone while sitting across from friends, family, and coworkers who are trying to socialize.  One of the first things I tell new facilitators is to invest in a watch.  True, your cellphone has the time, but if you're working really hard at something, if you're invested in the learning process, what would you think if your teacher is busy looking at their phone?  Sure, it may only be to check the time, but how could I have known that?

So how much time do you take around meals?  Invest your time with other people, and I believe you'll gain more from a 20 minute face-to-face conversation than an eternity making Wall-E come true...