Daily Purpose

A post I've been rolling around in my head for the past several months. I meant to put pen to paper on this topic - reflecting on purpose, identity, and raison d'etre - for months now, though admittedly I'm glad I've procrastinated this long as I've come to a few new insights.

It's interesting to me the generational differences (and industry differences) in relative perspective at work. No longer is "live to work" the reigning paradigm. Us youngsters generally carry more of a "work to live" mentality, where rather than define ourselves by what we do for a living, but what we do with that living. I tried to take this at face value after leaving my old position and beginning at a tool and die shop for the interim. I argued that it wasn't what I was doing in the hours I punched the clock, but what I was doing the other 118 hours of the week that mattered more. And so I continued, grateful simply for a job to pay the bills, a luxury not available to everyone.

So with my safety and security needs met (Maslow; to be continued), I found myself looking for more. Looking back, with the perspective afforded through 20/20 hindsight, I better see the pros and cons of my previous life, chronicled a bit more in my previous post (found here), and I find myself missing that satisfaction that comes with personally meaningful outcomes. And it is only from this detour that I can see that picture more clearly.

Several months ago I was able to sit down with a company's OD personnel, to talk and network, to glean some insights on breaking into the field. One of the biggest things I took away from that meeting was the metaphor she used when explaining how her son did mazes: he would find the dead-ends first and black them out, ruling out false leads and misdirection, until, eventually, only the way through was left. It seems so simple, and yet so poignant. By figuring out what doesn't work, one can better find their path. Of course this isn't a quick fix. And applying it personally has yielded some interesting, albeit at times uncomfortable realizations.

It is with all this (and always so much more that can't possibly be put into words) in mind that I find myself needing to find purpose once again. "Work to live", I believe, has more connotations than just defining yourself by what you do off the clock (and before I forget I should mention that such generalizations are clearly not true for everyone. Just wanted to throw that out there for completion sake). I think it also is a reversal of defining ourselves by our jobs, instead finding meaningful work defined by who we are personally. I think we've shifted away from finding a position and assuming that identity to recognizing our own identity and finding the work that embodies it. I'm thinking this may be a big reason my generation is over-educated and under-employed, because we've been, by and large, searching more for purpose and passion. For better or worse of course. And so I find myself unfortunately lumped into this cliched stereotype.

But we persevere. I am actively searching for this fulfillment, though tempering it with the realization that this is still the real world and such accomplishments as finding such a purpose will be neither easy nor quick. And, an aspect I fear is lost on many, just because I strive to succeed, because I put in the time, because I want it enough - there is no guarantee. That's life. So I continue to work on it. To think and reflect, and, most importantly, get up and do something about it. "Do or do not. There is no try". Thank you Yoda. 

Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset

"The moment we believe that success is determined by an ingrained level of ability as opposed to resilience and hard work, we will be brittle in the face of adversity."
-Josh Waitzkin

This video (from TEDx Manhattan Beach) offers a great paradigm of learning and success.  Enjoy!

Making Mistakes

I found this quote last week and it really struck a chord:

"Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement"  -Will Rogers

Looking into making mistakes a bit more, I found a lot of materials out there that allude to our perspective - more specifically, how me perceive the mistakes we make.  Are they a failure? A minor setback? A major one? Or do they give us an opportunity to try again?  Winston Churchill once said that "Success is moving from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm" and I think that is very poignant.  

So let's top it off with the Dalai Lama (undoubtedly somewhat paraphrased):

"If a problem can be solved there is no use worrying about it. I it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."

Really just a simple thought on a dreary Tuesday morning, but one that I feel deserves a second look.

Try it, change it, try it again...

The title of this post comes from a camp I've worked at, and it stands as one of their "Seven Qualities of a Collaborative Leader".  This poem reminded me of it (and fittingly, as I'm currently reading Alice in Wonderland):

She drank from a bottle called  DRINK ME
And up she grew so tall.
She ate from a plate called TASTE ME
and down she shrank so small.
And so she changed, while other folks
Never tried nothin' at all.

-Shel Silverstein

 Of course, it's easy to wonder why in the world Alice would eat or drink anything she just found laying about in a strange place (that exact act, by the way, is in no way advocated!), though the point stands: unless you try something new, there's no way to think you'll change.  I actually like to think the inverse as well: unless you change, you'll never try something new.  And, either way, without trying something new - without taking a chance, without a new experience, without risk, without challenge, without stepping outside your comfort zone - there will be no change.

For better or worse.

But there's really only one way to find out, isn't there?

Quote of the Week: 4/22/13

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

-Henry Ford 

Another thought on Real-World Preparation

As a companion to my Real World Preparation post:

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.

                                                           -Herbert Spencer

"Real-World" Preparation

Here's a little something I found interesting:

The child is constantly confronted with the nagging question: "What are you going to be?" Courageous would be the youngster who could look the adult squarely in the face and say, "I'm not going to BE anything; I already am." We adults would be shocked by such an insolent remark, for we have forgotten, if indeed we ever knew, that a child is an active, participating and contributing member of society from birth. Childhood isn't a time when he is molded into a human who will then live life; he is a human who is living life. No child will miss the zest and joy of living unless these are denied him by adults who have convinced themselves that childhood is a period of preparation.(attributed to Professor T. Ripaldi)

Man, this guy makes a great point.  I had a professor in undergrad who espoused the same idea.  He would open each semester explaining that college wasn't so much "preparation for the real world", but a part of it.  After all, handing in a assignment late or failing a test did, in fact, result in actual consequences.  However, is that really the overarching idea we're establishing in youth?

Today, thousands of kids are being signed up for youth soccer, presumably to be learning the values of teamwork, perseverance, and winning and losing graciously.  Unfortunately, and I hate to break it to you, but only mountains speak for themselves - just because a kid plays a sport doesn't automatically mean they'll learn anything.  Second bummer: how on earth can they learn about how hard work pays off, or that persevering to the end and leaving it all on the field - win or lose - is better than having never even tried in the first place?  How can we expect anyone to pick up on these things when every single player on every team wins a medal just for showing up?  Isn't the new message "As long as you're here, you win!"?

Did you know that there are states, counties, and districts with "No-Zero" grading policies?  In a nutshell, students will never be given a zero on an assignment, an incomplete in some places, but never a failing grade. Students have the opportunity try it over and over and over until either they finally understand the material, their teacher realizes there are other students packed into the classroom and just stamps a "C" on their, or money runs out before that 16-year-old ever finishes fourth grade.

So not only are we teaching kids that all they have to do is show up, but also that we're here to protect them, to gently guide and shelter them until that fateful day when they have to step out into the "real world".

"Don't worry", we inadvertently tell our youth,"you're a winner even though you didn't actually accomplish anything.  All you have to do is be yourself and the world will fall into your hands. We'll solve all your problems and take care of you."

So we keep our kids safe and sound, hovering around, ready to swoop down on any potential challenge that may accost our delicate and frail children.  We tiptoe around frail egos, keeping them safe from failure and making sure they never have to face personal shortcoming.  As it turns out, after a bit more research, we already have a word for this process.

It's called domestication.

And it's no known for making animals smarter.

For more fun reading, I think this article sums it up nicely: Why Teenagers Are Growing Up So Slowly Today

Are we saying what people are hearing?

Language is a funny thing, dear reader.  I say that because more and more I'm becoming aware of the language I use every day, and particularly with groups I facilitate.  What that inevitably means for me is that I find myself thinking about and listening for words and phrases I use without even realizing it - I'm paying attention very much to things I hadn't given much thought to in the not-to-distant past (yes, I've always tried to be conscious of how the words I use come across and their effectiveness to convey my message, but I think this is a step further).

For instance, I commented a while ago that I try to avoid labeling things as "easy" or "hard".  Instead, some things may be "more or less challenging" for a particular person or group.  No one wants to come up short on a something "easy" or "simple".  I often use personal examples - for instance, I find it less challenging for me to memorize random, eclectic facts and trivia items.  On the other hand, math has never come easily to me.  Is one better or worse than the other? 

"You all", "ya'll", or simply "team" has replaced "you guys" in inter-gender groups.  While "guys" is perhaps becoming more gender-neutral, it still has a definite masculinity to it.  Granted, this has often brought ripples of chuckles through groups, as they assume I'm adopting some sort of accent for funsies...of course, it does allow me a chance to explain why I use the term. 

I avoid "nice try" at all costs, instead focusing on what was achieved, rather than what was not.  A "good try" indicates that success wasn't found, after all, Yoda pointed out: "Do, or do not. There is no try."  To "try" is to attempt, to give it your best shot but still come up short.  However, if someone climbs 15 feet up a pole, decides that's it and decides to come down, #1, they've made a very empowered decision to choose their own level of challenge rather than compulsory participation, and #2, for a point of comparison, they were at a height roughly higher than a second story floor - and I think that's worth pointing out.  What they did, not what they could have done.

One last example is the language used to describe guidelines or address issues.  I've seen the success of phrasing these in the positive - "let's be sure to walk", "great job holding the rope"; as opposed to "don't run" or "don't hold anything else".  "Keep looking up" is a big one climbing - after all, if I say "don't think about pink elephants!", what's the first thing you think about?  I thought so.  Phrasing in the positive helps people visualize what they can do rather than what they can't and keeps the mindset of doing.
Now, the question is, what does this have to do with anything outside of facilitating?  Well, fortunately that's a ball in your court - how does language affect your work or life?  And don't forget, how something is said can be just as meaningful as what is said...

Quote of the Week #3

"A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn no other way."
-Mark Twain