I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

As the relatively recent "psychological" movement of Positive Thinking would have you believe, positive thinking will bring one wealth, friends, and wealth.  That simply thinking happy thoughts will help you ace that job interview, land the perfect partner, win friends, sway any argument, and generally come out a winner.  Apparently, if I wake up every morning with a daily affirmation that "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, by golly, people like me!", I can land whatever I want!  If I repeatedly tell myself "I will get the job, I will get the job, I will get the job", and perhaps click my heels together three times, I, in fact, WILL get the job!

What a load of hooey.  Positive Thinking seems to be very based on the idea of getting more stuff.  A bigger house.  A better job.  More money.  More happiness.  All without reflecting on and being content with what you have.  Ambition isn't a four-letter word, but a continual battle to acquire more stuff eventually hits a roadblock, and that's where we get down on ourselves.  Coincidentally enough, such a movement really provides another opportunistic avenue to lay fault squarely on YOU for many systemic issues keeping people behind.  Now, I'm not saying that all bad things that happen to a person are outside of their control, or that people shouldn't take responsibility for the circumstances in which they may find themselves.  I'm simply of the mind that saying someone isn't wealthy because they didn't want it enough, or because they didn't believe in themselves.  Not happy?  Not successful?  It's YOUR fault.  All your fault.  You should be ashamed.

And, see, I don't buy it.  I am absolutely sure that people do have a say in their future, that each one of us has the ability to influence the outcomes of daily circumstances.  But I don't think that simply thinking happy thoughts will get you there as some would have you believe.  Rather, I believe that by closely monitoring our perspective of daily hurdles, we can essentially affect our attitude, which in turn may potentially lessen the burden.

Making Mistakes

I found this quote last week and it really struck a chord:

"Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement"  -Will Rogers

Looking into making mistakes a bit more, I found a lot of materials out there that allude to our perspective - more specifically, how me perceive the mistakes we make.  Are they a failure? A minor setback? A major one? Or do they give us an opportunity to try again?  Winston Churchill once said that "Success is moving from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm" and I think that is very poignant.  

So let's top it off with the Dalai Lama (undoubtedly somewhat paraphrased):

"If a problem can be solved there is no use worrying about it. I it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."

Really just a simple thought on a dreary Tuesday morning, but one that I feel deserves a second look.

More "Help" For the Wrong People

On my quest to read a book each month, I've created my intended stack and just finished up my book for March.  A trend I've realized, reading through this book in particular and pairing it up with other books and materials I've read or leafed through, is that many of the self-motivational, "unlock the inner you", happiness-builders seem to be directed at only a portion of the population, and it's predominately (and predictably) those not revolving around some catastrophic or traumatic event.  The books I'm referring to aren't the memoirs or autobiographies of those facing incredible obstacles, but those written, seemingly, by those coming from an affluent, upper-middle class upbringing, writing for others "struggling" to survive their same conditions.


The Happiness Project, my book for March, certainly has made several insightful observations and doled out its fair share of advice to incorporate into my day.  But by and large, the author really doesn't have any issues from which to base her book.  Living in Manhattan, married (both spouses are employed and financially sound), with two healthy children.  Even the author admits that she's not actually UNhappy, she just thinks she could stand to be MORE happy, going on to talk about her shopping trips and birthday parties and wanton spending on gym memberships and trainers and stopping at a news stand to buy five different magazines each afternoon.  Instead of appealing to a wide range of audiences, she almost seems to alienate herself into a class-divided world, where the haves can afford the luxury of her escapades while the have-not's sit on the sidelines.

To make it clear, I don't mean to call one particular author out, this book is simply serving as the inspiration: Joel Osteen, Martin Seligman, Tony Robbins...really anyone with a book title containing any combination of "real you", "inner self", "reinventing", the "life you want", etc. are all antagonists here.  The issue isn't that I believe some people shouldn't be writing on the subject or have nothing to contribute.  I'm simply pointing out that many of these "self-help" books focused on "living the life you deserve", "unlocking your true potential", and "making the most of each day" seem to have a secondary commonality: none of these people have really any idea some of the obstacles facing many many people.  I'm also not saying that I'm in any position to write to this invisible majority, only that if you're climbing the ladder to the upper economic echelon of society, please stop talking about how much sleep you lose at night worrying about money or the future.  There are real people out there wondering how to pay for the next doctor's visit or scraping enough together to pay for an orthodontist for their child because insurance won't cover the braces.  Please stop talking about how much work it is to plan a birthday party because you're stumped on the type of invitations to send.  There are people with real problems.

Quote of the Week #1

"I am not what has happened to me.  I am what I choose to become."
-Carl Jung

It's Not the "Power of Positive Thinking"...

I have a thought: perhaps it's not the power of positive thinking, but rather the power of thinking positively.  The way we see the world has an enormous effect on our affect.  However, all too often, I think we continually set our sights on how much better off, how much happier we would be if we could just land that job, get that bigger salary (caveat if you truly do need that salary to cover basic needs...sorry folks, that new patio or plasma TV doesn't count), or that brand-spanking-new car.  If we could only get, we would receive.  But why do we stress getting?  Why do we need more stuff?  I instead advocate for treating daily circumstances as opportunities for using what we already have, and being thankful for it.

Struggles are an opportunity for growth, annoyances are windows for patience.  The Dalai Lama advocates thanking those people with whom you must interact but absolutely drive you nuts, as they're providing you the opportunity to practice compassion and patience.  In the same vein, the way we decide - yes, decide: we cannot control what others do, but we do have total control over how we choose to react - to view certain circumstances can change our perspective and become less frazzled.  For my job, I often find myself driving through Madison during what we'll call "inopportune times of day".  If you've ever found yourself in a metropolitan area during such a time of day, you'll understand how frustrating it can be.  I've been trying to take this time to #1: recognize that I'm well aware the traffic pattern during the times of day I'll be travelling, and as such am more than able to modify my departure time to avoid it - i.e. leave earlier.  #2: Understand that often there are extenuating circumstances for the traffic, and that it's not actually anyone's fault, certainly not the person trying to merge that I'm continually foiling.  And if traffic's especially bad, usually due to an accident, rather than being upset that I'll be late, I've been trying to change my reaction to one of thanks that it wasn't me or my friends or family involved.  It's useful to keep in mind that things aren't good or bad.  Things just are.

So I see real value in looking on the bright side.  I don't believe that things magically appear if you will them to, but happiness and success, I think, are precluded heavily by focusing on being thankful for and using what you have, not on what you wish you had.